Do this fun and easy exercise to build one of your most important selling skills
A critical component to building connections with prospects and customers is the skill of empathy.
The world is full of people who want to be understood. In Stephen Covey’s famous book, he gave us the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit #4 is “Seek to Understand, then be understood”. The desire to be understood is so strong, that it will often blind us to everything else until we get a chance to explain ourselves. In Chris Voss’s book, “Never Split the Difference”, he explains that many hostage negotiations were resolved by the simple act of showing empathy. The hostage takers had a cause. They wanted the world to understand that political or religious cause so bad, they took hostages. Once they felt understood, they lower their hostility and engage in dialogue.
While our customers aren’t that extreme, they still have a strong desire to be understood. Especially by their suppliers. They are looking for salespeople ask questions to understand them before recommending products. They think, “How can a sales rep recommend a product without understanding how I run my business?”
You might be wondering why I called empathy a skill and not some built in talent or ability. That’s because I think you can develop empathy by practicing it. Many years ago, I went through Cliffton Strength Finders. This is an online assessment that determines your level of 34 different strengths. Aspects like competitiveness, learning, and empathy levels are evaluated to determine which are your greatest strengths. I was shocked and disappointed to learn that Empathy was my least strength. #34 on a list of 34 strengths. You might even call that a weakness.
Knowing how important this skill is in sales; I violated the rule of Strength Finders. I set out on a mission to fix my weakness. One exercise that I developed and practice frequently helped me in many ways. It’s great for sales situations as you develop deeper dialogue at a much faster pace. It’s also less threatening to your customer than discovery style questions. It’s great in personal relationships as well because people see that you care enough to understand them.
The Empathy Exercise:
In every meaningful conversation you have today, I want you to make one observation statement that consists of:
- “It sounds like…….”
- For example: “It sounds like you have done your homework on this analysis!”
- “It feels like……”
- For example: “It feels like this has become very important to you”
- “It seems like….”
- “It looks like….”
Let’s say a co-worker calls you every day and complains about the company culture. And it’s the same conversation every day. They just unload all their emotions on you about this toxic culture. Your exercise is to say something like, “It seems like this situation has you at the breaking point”. Then say nothing else. Just let that hang out there. Observe how they react.
If they are not “at their breaking point”, then they will immediately correct you. They feel misunderstood, which is an even stronger emotion. Since you put it into your observation, they don’t blame you. They just want to correct you. They might say, “No, I’m just blowing smoke.” Which is another term for dumping all their emotions on you.
If they truly are, “at a breaking point,” then the conversation can focus on that issue with more clarity and dialogue.
Either way, continue to remain silent for as long as you can. This will feel awkward, but it’s important to allow them to finish confirming or correcting your observation.
There are several benefits with this exercise.
First, by practicing with peers, family, and co-workers, you have more chances to develop this skill. The better you get, the faster the other person feels understood, and the sooner you get deeper into how you can truly help them. And that sets you apart from almost everyone they meet. In sales, it definitely sets you apart as most will blow right past these moments and begin their, “reason for stopping by today”. Which is their sales pitch for the monthly special, etc.
Restating the exercise: In every meaningful discussion you have today, look for one strong emotion or opinion the other person is expressing. Then, make your observation with either a “Sounds like, Feels like, Looks like, or Seems like” statement.
Remain silent and then watch the information just flow out from the other person. Right or wrong, they are now more understood by you and will trust you just a little more!
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